God, Our Father

The sermon I preached at Faith Baptist Church (Hollis, NH) on Father’s Day, June 16th, 2013.

“God is our heavenly Father to whom all earthly fathers should point; God is our perfect Father for whom we honor our imperfect fathers.” LISTEN

Ephesians 6:1-4

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The Best Children’s Bibles

In the process of identifying the best Bible for teaching the children at my church, I looked through 20 different children’s Bibles (CB). I first determined the appropriate age group of the Bibles, then pinned them on the scale of dynamic (sense for sense) or formal (word for word) equivalence:

D2 (Most dynamically equivalent, a rather “free” translation with creative license)
D1 (More dynamically equivalent)
N (Neutral, somewhat dynamic and somewhat formal)
F1 (More formally equivalent)
F2 (Most formally equivalent, a rather “rigid” translation with little variance from the original text)

Then, I used the following criteria to judge the usefulness of the Bibles:

Scriptural Fidelity: Does the CB accurately convey the message of the original text of Scripture without adding extraneous details or subtracting essential details?

Theology: Does the CB feature orthodox and appropriate theological interpretation that highlight the main idea and purpose of the text? Does it look ahead to Jesus Christ who fulfills the whole Scripture (Matthew 5:17-20)?

Comprehensiveness: Does the CB include most of the stories from the original text of Scripture?

Storytelling: Is the narrative flow of the CB fluent, clear, engaging, and inspiring?

Illustration: Are the accompanying illustrations in the CB colorful, beautiful, imaginative, intelligible, and faithful to the cultural context and the original text of Scripture?

Interactiveness: Does the CB involve the reader in dialogue? Does it include questions, summaries, and other interactive features that facilitate understanding and encourage personal response?

I scored them on a five point scale (1-Very Bad; 2-Bad; 3-Okay; 4-Good; 5-Very Good) and then calculated their averages. They are listed below from best to worst for Preschool, Kindergarten, and Primary/Elementary levels, respectively.

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PRESCHOOL LEVEL

The Big Picture Story Bible
Edited by David Helm and Illustrated by Gail Schoonmaker
Crossway Books, Wheaton, Illinois, 2004 ($21.20)

Preschool; D2
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 5 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 2 of 5 (26 stories)
Storytelling: 5 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 3 of 5
Total Score: 4.0

Comment: This is the best CB for the Preschool age group, and it’s the only one that comments on the protoevangelion, or the first proclamation of the gospel, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel” (Genesis 3:15). This, of course, predicts Jesus’s atonement and ultimate victory over Satan. The Big Picture Story Bible traces the redemptive narrative of Christ through all of its stories. Unfortunately, it only has twenty-six stories.

100 Bible Stories 100 Bible Songs
Created by Stephen Elkins and Illustrated by Tim O’Connor
Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tennessee, 2004 ($17.09)

Preschool; D1
Scriptural Fidelity: 4 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (100 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 5 of 5
Total: 3.8

Comment: 100 Bible Stories 100 Bible Songs includes 2 CDs that contain 100 songs that accompany each of the stories. They are memorable and fun. The stories themselves are interesting and fluid, and the illustrations are colorful and pleasant. It euphemizes certain aspects of the stories. For example, God says to Abraham, “take Isaac and give him back to me” (26), instead of telling him to sacrifice Isaac. At the end of each story, there’s a summary observation, an interpretive statement, and an application statement.

The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes
Edited by Kenneth N. Taylor and Illustrated by Annabel Spenceley
Moody Press, Chicago, 2002 ($13.67)

Preschool; D2
Scriptural Fidelity: 3 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (184 stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 3 of 5
Interactiveness: 5 of 5
Total: 3.7

Comment: The New Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes has little theological interpretation. The stories are minimalistic and sometimes missing crucial details. For example, why is God sending a flood? It is not explained. It only mentions that God tells Noah to build a boat in order to save him. The illustrations are colorful, but pretty pedestrian. In the story of the Fall, a raccoon is pictured instead of a snake for some unknown reason. Satan is not even mentioned. At the end of each story, there are 2-3 questions that summarize the narrative details. It also features a short prayer at the end of each story (e.g. “Lord, I want to be like Noah and do just what You tell me to do” (24).

A Child’s First Bible
Edited by Kenneth N. Taylor and illustrated by Nadine Wickenden and Diana Catchpole
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois, 2000 ($7.34)

Preschool; D2
Scriptural Fidelity: 3 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (125 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 3 of 5
Interactiveness: 4 of 5
Total: 3.3

Comment: The stories are very abbreviated and require a lot of supplementary explanation. For example, in the story of the Fall, it simply says that Adam and Eve did not obey God. It neither mentions the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil nor Satan. It does recapitulate every story at the end of each section, and encourages readers to respond to the content.

My First Bible in Pictures
Edited by Kenneth N. Taylor and Illustrated by Richard and Frances Hook
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois, 1989 ($8.99)

Prechool; D2
Scriptural Fidelity: 3 of 5
Theology: 2 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (125 stories)
Storytelling: 2 of 5
Illustration: 2 of 5
Interactiveness: 2 of 5
Total: 2.5

Comment: The brusque storytelling and minimalistic detail of My First Bible in Pictures make it liable to misunderstanding. It omits crucial details, such as, why God is sending a flood, and why God doesn’t want people to build the Tower of Babel. Adam and Eve are expelled from the Garden of Eden simply because they “did something God told them not to do,” which begs the question, “what exactly did God tell Adam and Eve not to do?” Also, the illustrations are boring and unimaginative. An overwhelming majority of them have a dreary, yellow hue. The Bible does include a question at the end of each story, but most of the time they simply miss the point, e.g. “What was Elijah’s horses made of?” Fiery horses are great but that’s really not the point of the story.

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KINDERGARTEN LEVEL

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name
Edited by Sally Lloyd-Jones and Illustrated by Jago
Zonderkidz, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2007 ($10.50)

Kindergarten; D2
Scriptural Fidelity: 4 of 5
Theology: 5 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 3 of 5 (44 stories)
Storytelling: 5 of 5
Illustration: 5 of 5
Interactiveness: 3 of 5
Total: 4.2

Comment: The Jesus Storybook Bible takes the top prize for the Kindergarten age group. It should be noted, however, that it is a Storybook, which means that it does, on rare occasions, take creative license to enhance the storytelling. For example, when Jesus multiplies the loaves of bread and fish, he “wink[s] at the little boy and whisper[s] to his ear, ‘Watch!’” before performing the miracle (246). It has minor inaccuracies, such as Jacob having to work another seven years to marry Rachel (72), when, in reality, he gets to marry Rachel one week after marrying Leah, even though he is obligated to stay and work another seven years. I’m being nitpicky here because the book is so good overall. The illustrations are fun, colorful and imaginative. They are more cartoonish than realistic, but they are beautiful. The most important aspect of this CB is that it comments on how every story from the beginning to the end points to Jesus. It highlights the redemptive narrative and tells the story very well. At certain points, I was moved to tears by the compelling narrative. It has no additional features intended to facilitate reader engagement, but the narrative dialogues with the reader.

Adventure Bible Storybook
Edited by Catherine DeVries and Illustrated by Jim Madsen
Zonderkidz, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2009 ($14.52)

Kindergarten; D2
Scriptural Fidelity: 3 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 3 of 5 (51 stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 5 of 5
Interactiveness: 5 of 5
Total: 3.8

Comment: The Adventure Bible Storybook adds extraneous details such as Noah’s wife accidentally bumping into Noah and saying “Oops, sorry” (19). It also subtly rationalizes certain miracles, for example, by randomly noting that “it probably took eight to twelve hours for the [Red Sea] to part” (57). On a better note, it does emphasize God’s love weaving the entire Biblical narrative together. The storytelling is engaging, and the illustrations are very detailed and realistic. At the end of each story, it follows its “Adventure” theme and includes an “Adventure Discovery,” which recaps the story, and “Words to Treasure,” which is a relevant memory verse.

Read and Learn Bible: Stories from the Old and New Testaments
Edited by Eva Moore and Illustrated by Duendes del Sur and Walter Carzon
Scholastic, Inc., New York, American Bible Society, 2011 ($10.79)

Kindergarten; F1
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (102 Stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 3 of 5
Total: 3.7

Comment: The Read and Learn Bible sticks pretty closely to the original text of Scripture with little additional theological interpretation. However, it has helpful study notes interspersed throughout the stories. For example, a study note explains that “The Hebrew word for Adam means ‘of the ground’ or ‘from the red earth’ and is also used as a general word for ‘humankind’ or ‘people'” (15). Other times, there are unhelpful implications, e.g. a study note asks the question, “How does Jesus heal today?” and answers: a) doctors and nurses b) hugs from parents and friends c) love and care from parents and grandparents, but does not suggest that Jesus heals miraculously today (5). The illustrations are colorful and beautiful, but most characters have staid expressions.

Read with Me Bible (NIrV Bible Storybook)
Edited by Doris Rikkers and Jean E. Syswerda and Illustrated by Dennis Jones
Zonderkidz, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2000 ($13.48)

Kindergarten; F1
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (105 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 5 of 5
Interactiveness: 1 of 5
Total: 3.5

Comment: This is basically New International Reader’s Version with illustrations.

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My First Bible Storybook
Edited by Michael Berghof and Illustrated by Jacob Kramer
Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis, MO, 2011 ($11.05)

Kindergarten; D1
Scriptural Fidelity: 4 of 5
Theology: 4 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (72 Stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 1 of 5
Total: 3.5

Comment: My First Bible Storybook is a very average CB. Nothing about it is very impressive, but nothing about it is bad either. The theology is solid, although it gets speculative at some points. For example, it describes God’s original creation as “perfect” and that all the animals got along. Though this is a widely-accepted inference, it is still speculative since Genesis does not mention it. It may be interpolating the Biblical concept of the New Heavens and the New Earth (Isa. 11:6) into the concept of the first Heavens and the Earth. Illustrations are engaging and expressive, but on rare occasions they don’t quite fit the text (e.g. when Adam names the “giraffe, rhinoceros, … [and] kangaroo,” an ostrich, chipmunk, rabbit, and fox are illustrated) (18).

The Beginner’s Bible: Timeless Children’s Stories
Edited by Karyn Henley and Illustrated by Dennas Davis
Zonderkidz, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1997 ($? discontinued)

Kindergarten; N
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (95 stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 1 of 5
Total: 3.5

Comment: The Beginner’s Bible (1997) has no features that facilitate reader response or interaction. However, it is faithful to the original text of Scripture. The storytelling and the illustrations are also solid.

beginner's bible

The Beginner’s Bible: Timeless Children’s Stories
Edited by Kelly Pulley
Zonderkidz, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2005 ($10.50)

Kindergarten; N
Scriptural Fidelity: 4 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (94 stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 1 of 5
Total: 3.3

Comment: The Beginner’s Bible (2005) is a revision of The Beginner’s Bible (1997) above under the same title and an almost identical cover. However, it has a new author and the illustrations are different, though they have the same style. It has better chapter headings than the original, but the narrative is not as true to the sense of the original text of Scripture. For example, in the original, God says, “I am sorry that I made people. I will start all over again” (30), and then sends the flood. In the newer edition, God sends the flood because “[He] was sad that everyone but Noah forgot about him” (28). In the original, God destroys the Tower of Babel because he sees that men were “selfish and proud” (39), in the newer edition, God destroys the Tower of Babel because He did not like that people “act[ed] … as if they no longer needed him” (36). These shifts make God seem like a tyrant whose feelings are hurt rather than a holy God that demands obedience.

Eager Reader Bible: Bible Stories to Grow On
Edited by Daryl J. Lucas and Illustrated by Daniel J. Hochstatter
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois, 1994 ($12.81)

Kindergarten; D1
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (105 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 2 of 5
Interactiveness: 3 of 5
Total: 3.3

Comment: The Eager Reader Bible features average storytelling and average illustrations that are nothing out of the ordinary. Each story ends with a question about a narrative detail in the story, e.g. “What did Noah use to build the ark?” “Who came to Lot’s house?” “Who found baby Moses?” The interaction is good, but these questions do not capture the point of the story.

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PRIMARY/ELEMENTARY LEVEL

The Gospel Story Bible: Discovering Jesus in the Old and New Testaments
Edited by Marty Machowski and Illustrated by A.E. Macha
New Growth Press, Greensboro, NC, 2011 ($24.61)

Primary/Elementary School; D1
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 5 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (156 stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 3 of 5
Interactiveness: 5 of 5
Total: 4.3

Comment: The introduction to The Gospel Story Bible suggests that it is suitable for preschoolers. This is hardly true. The writing is too sophisticated, and its theological interpolations are too obscure for preschoolers. Even the illustrations, while beautiful and imaginative, are too abstract to be engaging for the younger children. With that said, this is the best of its kind for children in primary/elementary school. It is rich with theological analyses and every story points ahead to Jesus Christ. Each story concludes with a “Let’s Talk About It” section, which has three questions related to the story.

The Action Bible: God’s Redemptive Story
Edited by Doug Mauss and Illustrated by Sergio Cariello
David C. Cook, Colorado Springs, CO, 2010 ($10.99)

Primary/Elementary; D1
Scriptural Fidelity: 4 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 5 of 5 (214 Stories)
Storytelling: 4 of 5
Illustration: 5 of 5
Interactiveness: 3 of 5
Total: 4.0

Comment: The Action Bible is unique in its comic book like features and design, and it’s truly a boon to our highly visual culture (illustration-wise, it probably deserves a ‘6’ on a 5-point scale). The translation is solid, although it does editorialize a bit. For example, in the story where a group of youth jeer at Elisha and consequently get mauled by she-bears, Mauss and Cariello portray the youth as a “gang of young men” threatening to kill Elijah (405). This is clearly an attempt to “vindicate” God by making his punishment more palatable. However, the Bible does not hint at the murderous intent of the youth. Rather, the issue at hand is that “The one who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and the one who receives a righteous person because he is a righteous person will receive a righteous person’s reward” (Matthew 10:41). Since the prophet is God’s representative, mockery of God’s prophet is mockery of God Himself, so this story showcases God’s irreproachable holiness, not his despotic cruelty.
As for theological content, the Action Bible does not highlight the redemptive aspect of the Bible nearly as much as one might expect, given that it’s subtitled God’s Redemptive Story. It captures the moral of the stories well, but often misses the theological heart of the stories. For example, after nearly getting sacrificed by his father Abraham, Isaac concludes, “From my father I learned the cost of faith–and from God I learned the reward of faith” (63). It’s profound, but it fails to point out that Isaac’s experience foreshadows the work of the only begotten Son of God, who will climb up another mountain, carrying wood on his back, and actually be sacrificed, so that Isaac, you, or I would not have to pay for our sins.

The Children’s Bible in 365 Stories
Edited by Mary Batchelor and Illustrated by John Haysom
David C Cook, Colorado Springs, CO, 1995 ($17.09)

Primary/Elementary; D1
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 5 of 5 (365 stories)
Storytelling: 5 of 5
Illustration: 5 of 5
Interactiveness: 1 of 5
Total: 4.0

Comment: Overall, The Children’s Bible in 365 Stories is excellent, although it offers little theological interpretation. For example, it does not even mention that the story of the Prodigal Son reveals God’s love for us. It has highly detailed and realistic illustrations. Its scope is comprehensive. Unfortunately, however, it offers no interactive features.

The Golden Children’s Bible: The Old Testament and the New Testament
Edited by Rev. Joseph A. Grispino, Dr. Samuel Terrien, and Rabbi David H. Wice and Illustrated by Jose Miralles
A Golden Book, New York, 1993 ($11.55)

Primary/Elementary; F2
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 5 of 5 (373 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 2 of 5
Total: 3.7

Comment: To its credit, The Golden Children’s Bible is unique in that it was approved by an editorial board of Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish scholars. However, it does not read very much like a children’s Bible. The storytelling is fairly prosaic. The illustrations are highly detailed and realistic. It also features maps and photographs that explicate the historical background of the stories. However, I am docking one point in illustration because of the jarring pictures of Jesus who has blonde hair and blue eyes. These Aryan features are obviously inaccurate and actually quite distracting since everybody else has brown hair and eyes (check pages 359 and 397).

The Children’s Bible: Illustrated Stories from the Old and New Testaments
Edited by Fiona Tulloch and Illustrated by Q2A Media
Arcturus Publishing Limited, London, UK ($ Varies)

Primary/Elementary; F1
Scriptural Fidelity: 3 of 5
Theology: 2 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (143 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 4 of 5
Interactiveness: 4 of 5
Total: 3.3

Comment: It does not seem that The Children’s Bible was vetted theologically. In the creation story, it says that “God had finished His creation and needed to rest” (11; italics added), as if he were tired. Furthermore, it resorts to careless, fairy-tale language when it says that Adam and Eve were “banished from the Garden of Eden forever” (13), that God expelled Cain to the “land of Nod to wander the earth forever” (15), and that Noah “served God faithfully every day of his long and happy life” (17). Humanity was not banned from the “Garden of Eden” forever, they can enter into the presence of God in heaven through Jesus Christ. Also, Cain is not still wandering the earth today… In terms of interactive features, The Children’s Bible includes a study note on every other page or so, intended to help children understand the stories better. For example, one such note tells you that “A parable is a simple story that is used to teach people lessons” (130), and another helpful one tells you that “The name Christ comes from the Greek word ‘Christos,’ meaning anointed or chosen one. ‘Messiah’ means the same thing” (175).

The Illustrated Children’s Bible
Edited by Christopher Morris and Illustrated by Bill Farnsworth
Harcourt Brace & Company, Orlando, FL, 1993 ($12.95)

Primary/Elementary; F2
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (141 stories)
Storytelling: 2 of 5
Illustration: 3 of 5
Interactiveness: 3 of 5
Total: 3.3

Comment: The Illustrated Children’s Bible is fairly comprehensive with 141 stories and dozens of maps and notes on the historical background. However, it’s a bit dense and prosaic. In fact, in many places, it simply extracts the passages directly from the King James Version and condenses them.

The Doubleday Illustrated Children’s Bible
Edited by Sandol Stoddard and Illustrated by Tony Chen
Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, NY, 1983 ($6.95)

Primary/Elementary; F1
Scriptural Fidelity: 5 of 5
Theology: 3 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (108 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 3 of 5
Interactiveness: 1 of 5
Total: 3.2

Comment: The Doubleday Illustrated Children’s Bible looks a bit outdated with its drab illustrations. However, the translation is pretty good. It even includes a story of the Maccabean revolt from the Inter-Testamental period, which establishes the setting for the Jewish expectation of the Messiah in the New Testament.

children's illustrated bible

The Children’s Illustrated Bible
Edited by Selina Hastings and Illustrated by Eric Thomas
Dorling Kindersley, London, 2004 ($9.35)

Primary/Elementary; F1
Scriptural Fidelity: 3 of 5
Theology: 1 of 5
Comprehensiveness: 4 of 5 (138 stories)
Storytelling: 3 of 5
Illustration: 5 of 5
Interactiveness: 2 of 5
Total: 3.0

Comment: As the title suggests, The Children’s Illustrated Bible’s strength is illustrations. They are very detailed and realistic. There are even photographs and maps that provide further historical information. The stories and the accompanying notes, however, leave much to be desired. For example, it resorts to naturalistic explanations of clear miracles: “The Hebrew words originally translated as ‘Red Sea’ in fact mean ‘sea of reeds.’ It is possible that the Israelites crossed over a marshy swamp to the north of the Red Sea” (78). If this were true, the greater miracle would be God somehow drowning all those Egyptians in a mere “marshy swamp.” Here’s another example: “Some scholars think that the manna may have come from the hammada shrub, above, which grows in southern Sinai. When insects feed on its branches, it produces a sweet, white liquid. Today, Bedouin people use it as a sweetener” (80). Exodus 16:14 says that manna was a thin flake like frost that appeared on the ground. Even more problematic is its Bultmannesque demythologization: “The death of Jesus is important to Christians because they believe that, in dying, he was showing God’s love for all people. For this reason the cross became the main symbol of Christianity” (207). Yes, God loves us, but what about sin and justification? Here’s another example: “Christians believe, however, that death did not put an end to Jesus, but that his spirit lives on, especially through his followers” (207). Really, just his spirit lives on and not his body? The millions that worship Jesus do so only because he is “alive in their hearts?” As Apostle Paul taught, ‘if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith” (1 Corinthians 15:14).

Parenting Advice from a Childless Youth Pastor

Hanna and I have been praying for a child lately, which has led me to this reflection on parenting, but I must begin this post with a disclaimer that I am childless and have zero parenting experience. Now that I have destroyed my credibility, I humbly submit to you my thoughts on parenting after observing many parents (including mine) as a youth and now as a youth pastor. I have supplemented my observations with insights from Madeline Levine, who distills decades of research on parental involvement by clinical and developmental psychologists in Teach Your Children Well. In her book, she concludes that optimal parenting is neither permissive nor controlling, but involved and responsive (you can also read her NY Times article “Raising Successful Children”).

In a culture of “tiger moms” and “helicopter parents,” it may be news to some that over-parenting is often counterproductive. Helping your child unnecessarily or prematurely increases dependency and reduces motivation, while encouraging the child’s autonomy by limiting interference promotes creativity and increases motivation. Thus an important, albeit difficult, task of parenting is not doing for children what they are almost capable of doing, or, in other words, facilitating “successful failures.” Children perform better academically, psychologically, and socially if their parents set high expectations while respecting their autonomy.

What, then, should be the parents’ role in children’s spiritual upbringing? The most important thing parents can do, of course, is to model the pursuit of God in their own lives before demanding it from their children. Sometimes parents impose their dreams of successful parenting on their children and emphasize the outward form (e.g. respectful manners, well-groomed appearance, academic achievement, etc.) rather than inward transformation. Their children become their “projects,” thus alienating the children from their parents. The “image” of the perfect family becomes an idol, thus alienating the whole family from God. This does not mean that parents should never enforce certain non-negotiable standards. But even then, there is a world of difference between insisting that your children attend church on Sunday because you need them to be “model” Christians in front of others and insisting that they do so because they need to learn the fundamentals of the faith. Children can distinguish exhortation from intimidation, and authentic admonishment from angry scolding. When we demand things of our children to indulge our pride rather than for their spiritual formation, we prevent them from owning their faith.

The Barna Research Group has found that 61% of today’s twentysomethings in America were churched as teenagers but now spiritually disengaged. Perhaps the reason for this fallout is that we have not enabled our children to own their faith? How do we, then, encourage the children’s spiritual autonomy? What are some spiritual “risks” that we should tolerate? We need to encourage our children to ask questions about our faith, rather than discouraging doubt as sinful (Jude 22). And yes, we need to steward how and when our children are exposed to the sinful elements in the world, but we also need to recognize that sheltering is temporary. At some point, children will have to face temptations and evaluate the world’s messages on their own. For this reason, we need to instill not merely a code of Christian conduct but a Christian worldview from which children can discern what is true, honorable, just, pure, and beautiful from what is false, shameful, unjust, sinful, and ugly. Coaching children to ask the right questions about what they see and hear is even more important than controlling what they see and hear.

All of this should not come as a surprise to Christians, since Jesus’ death on the cross juxtaposed the heinous violence and injustice of the world with the perfect love and justice of God. Likewise, we need to teach our children to grasp both the horror of human sin (in themselves and in the world) and the glory of divine grace in their fullness. The goal of parenting is not innocence, but repentance (Luke 15). This emphasis on the Gospel should lead children to be confident not in what they have done (or haven’t done) and can do but in what God has already accomplished in Jesus Christ and will do through the Holy Spirit.

Ironically, research has shown that applauding children as “smart,” “athletic,” or “fill-in-your-blank” actually diminishes their confidence and entrepreneurship, because the possibility of losing their newfound status as “smart,” “athletic,” etc. encumbers them. They will either crumble under their insecurity or camouflage their insecurity in their perceived successes until exposed. Parents must not be foolish builders who build up their children’s identity on their words of approval rather than on the words of Christ (Mt. 7:24-29). Christ teaches us that “[we are] so flawed that [He] had to die for [us], yet [we are] so loved and valued that [He] was glad to die for [us]. This leads us to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time” (Tim Keller, The Reason for God, p. 179). Our children must stand on Christ the solid Rock, for all other ground is sinking sand.

As a childless youth pastor, I am sure that parenting is much harder in practice than in theory, so let me end with this point: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6) is a truism and not a promise. It is what generally happens, not what God assures will happen. So then, good parents might raise disobedient and unspiritual children, while bad parents might raise children who are obedient and deeply spiritual. All parenting success is God’s grace and should be credited to Him as such. This fact should drive us to our knees all the more.